I AM!!

So here i go for the umpteenth time,
hoping to strike the perfect rhyme,
not really sure what theme to grind,
too many strings wired in mind!

Making progress on the professional front,
now making logical decisions, no freaky stunts,
but yet it seems all normal and plain,
no sense of achievement, no sense of gain!

Still falling back on the occurances of the past,
it's like I'm under influence of a spell that's been cast,
I did rhyme before that i broke free,
I guess i was lying, to you and to me!!

Happy thoughts!! Count blessings!! Happy thoughts!!
Yes, done, counted so many that now they've begun to rot!
Yes I was on the verge of becoming cynical,
Those two pushed me off the ledge, no more miracles!

But here I stand, i stand alone because i dare to,
I don't aim to earn too much fame or abundant fortune,
of the many goals and things i chose to aspire,
Is to make him repent, fry his brain, make him perspire!

Vengeful? Spiteful? Well i may be,
I didn't exactly choose this, don't you see?!
I don't blame fate either, that is for cowards!
I chose my path, no relativity, I AM moving forwards!!

I can't go back in time...so I'll just call this 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!'

I know you've gone,never to return,
yet i stare at the path you left me, to tread,
hoping to see you walk the same trail,
Backwards this time instead.

I know you won't change your mind,
and that it isn't in my power to change yours either,
yet i can't stop myself from hoping,
because my only other option is to wither.

I did my best to comfort you,
It was no selfless deed on my part,
I wanted to be near you,
And now i witness us drifting apart.

You share not the feelings that i have for you,
Not in the same way at least to see,
which leaves my in such a predicament,
I want you to have what you want,but your want is not me.

It's been a long time,I should have forgotten you,
yet I'm still playing this losing game,
i still hope that the voice was yours,
each time i hear the sound of my name.

I know not how deep the ground lies underneath,
I do know i'm clinging to a loose ended rope,
but I cannot let go of it to hold something else,
I can't help but wait, I can't help but hope.