Rage vented,venom sprayed!!

I react rabidly for what people call trivial,
I try to push away those I care for, when their presence is vital,
I tell myself I don’t need attention but my actions beg to differ,
I want to be irresolvable, yet being isolated makes me suffer.

God, I loved him, he was my idol, my go-between,
He turned out to be iniquitous, and I shoved him off, never to be seen,
I miss him every moment, every day, I mask that with ignominy,
With loathe of proportions equiponderating infinity

I loved her,not as a rebound, not to compensate my perdition,
Her timing seemed god-sent, I wanted to suffocate her with undiluted attention,
I did, I guess to the point of hindering her goal of sovereignty,
I admit I felt down-trodden, but I admired her pragmatic tenacity.

My response to the above two incidents have been ominous,
I aggravated anger towards the former,from the latter I sought clarifications fortuitous,
I abused him on his face, I abused her integrity in verbalization which was malicious,
I chose the wrong ways to cope,for which I’ll always be licentious.

For she had her reasons for all her deeds,
I shouldn’t have persisted to grab what I need,
But I kept losing a pillar after another, I stand here questioning
What is right, what is wrong, what is any deed’s meaning?

I proclaim I don’t care how others perceive me and my persona,
And yet I publish this chronicle without a shred of honour,
I’m doing this because I need to rhyme and therefore uncage
all the suppressed, concealed, monolithic rage!!